UGH

 Here I am, 11 months out and I am SO unbelievably emotionally damaged that I run people off before they even get to know me. This baggage that I have...I'm not sure how to get rid of it? How do I not let my past dictate my future? Sure, I know that not everybody is out to hurt me...but when I think about that I think about the fact that I'm sure he wasn't either, or how I thought the same thing about him. I didn't think he'd ever hurt me...boyyy was I wrong. 

I see men talking all this shit about independent women and making fun of the women that say that they don't need a man. Why get mad? Why not congratulate them just like you would one of your friends when you were proud of them. Some of us women don't get a choice to not be independent. Betchya didn't think about that tho, did you? I didn't get a choice...I had two little girls that depended on me. I was independent long before my last marriage.Then I trusted him to work with me thru life but that didn't happen but I was still responsible for my little girls. So I took care of bills b/c I knew they'd be paid. I didn't have to depend on someone else to carry me OR my children thru this life. That's my job and I got us. 

How do I let the pain go so I can start fresh? Do I just keep my guard up b/c people are assholes? Do I quit assuming everybody is out to use me and really doesn't give a fuck about me? B/C that's what I see...I am 100% ok with staying right by myself if I just keep finding people that don't give me good vibes. I'm just tired.